Understanding Ego-States

The three primary Ego-States of TA are the Parent Ego-State, The Adult Ego-State, and the Child Ego-State. The First Order Map is the Model used in the Functional Ego-State Map (Functional and Dysfunctional Parts of Self) Learn more about second and third-order ego-state maps. Ego-State therapy paved the way for many other "Parts-Oriented" therapies including Internal Family Systems (IFS) Therapy and Parts Integration Therapies. Gestalt therapy also plays a major role in the evolution of this therapeutic orientation. Gestalt therapy also plays a major role in the evolution of this therapeutic orientation.

Functional Ego-Statemap

The three primary Ego-States of TA are the Parent Ego-State, The Adult Ego-State, and the Child Ego-State.

The Parent neural network contains the attitudes, beliefs, and behaviors “taken in” from external sources – primarily parents. Outwardly, the Parent is often expressed towards others in prejudicial, critical, or nurturing behavior — from Second Position. Inwardly, it’s experienced as old parental messages which continue to influence the inner Child…some good messages and some limiting to the person.

The Adult network is not related to a person’s age… It’s oriented in the present and can be comparable to a computer in that it’s in charge of executive functioning — i.e., decision-making, problem-solving, etc.The Adult is organized, adaptable, intelligent, and functions by testing reality, estimating probabilities, and computing dispassionately – from Third Position.

The Child ego state contains all the impulses that come naturally to a child… the Child is creative, adventuresome, spontaneous, curious, affectionate and so on. The Child loves to giggle, laugh, have fun and enjoy the simple things in life. It can also be a “brat” or “whine” when it doesn’t get it’s way. The Child lives in First Position and is the network that contains our feelings, wants, and needs.

Invented Self - Part 1, Survival Roles

When the first child comes along he/she finds out fairly quickly that in order to get any time, attention, affection, and direction in this family you have to do something outstanding to get noticed.

So the first child usually becomes the Family Hero. — There are two kinds of family heroes. The first is the flashy one who gets all A’s… is captain of the football team… valedictorian… class president… head cheerleader… or even a combination of the above. The second type is the behind-the-scenes hero – AKA the Responsible One or the Parentified Child. This is the child who comes home from school early every day to do the laundry… get the mail… prepare dinner for the other kids… do the dishes…and essentially becomes a parent at ten or twelve years old…this child has most of the symptoms of codependency before she is even a teenager.

The second child usually becomes the Rebel or Scapegoat. — This child cannot usually compete with the first child for positive attention because the Hero has a head start… So the Rebel must settle for the next best thing… i.e. negative attention. Subconsciously, they figure out that negative attention is better than no attention. The Rebel gets time, attention, affection and direction from teachers, principals, juvenile officers, counselors and anyone else who would try to help them. While they may not get any positive attention – they do end up getting the most attention… The parents must stop what they are doing to deal with this kid’s misbehavior because the school or juvenile office keeps calling.

The third child cannot compete for the positive attention or the negative attention… so they don’t get any direct attention – this is the Lost Child. In order to survive this child relies on fantasy to get their needs partially met. An example of a Lost Child is the seven-year-old girl who is always somewhere in the background playing with a doll that she’s had forever. One hardly ever notices that she is even there. She says nice things to the doll… combs its hair… tucks her in every night… rocks her to sleep and… in essence, creates a family of her own… vicariously getting her own needs met by becoming a nurturing parent to the doll.

The Lost Child may also lots of stuffed animals on their bed at one time and knows each of them intimately. A negative is that the Lost Child spends so much time in their fantasy world that they lose out on opportunities to make friends in the real world. On the positive side… the Lost Child becomes very creative due to her frequent exercise of fantasy.

The fourth child is usually the Mascot — this is the baby of the family. They get their need met by being on stage. They are the class clown or the cute one – It’s the Mascot’s job is to bring humor and levity to the family… Mascots frequently become comedians and entertainers.

Invented Self - Part 2, Psychological Positions

Below we explore these Psychological Positions as they relate to the concepts of the Critical Parent, the Angry/Defiant Child, and the Vulnerable Child Ego States created in less-than-nurturing families.

“I'm OK…You’re OK” (healthy position)This is potentially a mentally healthy position. Realistic people with this position about themselves and others can solve their problems constructively. They aept the significance of people and get along well with others. They achieve independence (I can do things on my own) and interdependence – “I can choose to be part of a team and accomplish even more than what I can do on my own”.

Ego States: Healthy Parent (P2), Healthy Adult (A2), and Healthy Child (C2)

“I'm OK…You’re Not-OK” (projective position – Externalizers)This is the position of persons who feel victimized or persecuted, so victimizes and persecutes others. They blame others for their miseries. Seeing the Vulnerable Child (perceived as weakness) in others may trigger them to act-out their contempt for that part of themselves in order to hold onto the Im Ok position, which in extreme cases may lead to violent behavior including child abuse and homicide. In milder cases, this may take the form of a parent having an unreasonable resentment for his/her own kids, leaving them feeling shame and guilt because they don’t know why they feel that way… It’s usually the Angry/Defiant Child and/or Critical Parent trying to drive their own Vulnerable Child deeper into hiding (or exile).

Ego States: A combination of Angry/Defiant Child and Critical Parent Ego States often take this Im ok position… they may completely disown or repress their Vulnerable Child ego state early in life.

“I’m Not-OK…You’re OK” (introjective position – Internalizers)This is a common position of persons who feel powerless, not good enough, or less important when they compare themselves to others. People in this position feel not good enough or less important because they internalize the voice of their Critical Parent. They turn the critical and shaming tapes of childhood in on themselves over and over again…further victimizing their already wounded Vulnerable Child.

Ego States: They usually feel powerless because they have disowned or repressed their Angry/Defiant Child ES causing them to lack assertiveness and boundaries. This position leads them to withdraw, to experience depression, and in severe cases, to become suicidal.

“I’m Not-OK…You’re Not-OK” (futility position – Hopeless, Helplessness, or Worthlessness)This is the position of those who lose interest in living, who exhibit eccentric behavior, and in extreme cases, may commit suicide or homicide. This is a position that one must work themselves into. It takes time – or some very severe trauma – for things to get so bad that all defenses collapse leaving this person unprotected from their pain. When things are at their worst, it’s a toss-up as to whether all that pain and hostility will be pointed inward resulting in a suicide attempt…or outward resulting in a homicide/suicide attempt.

Ego States: Full expression of the seriously wounded Vulnerable Child, Angry/Defiant Child, and Critical Parent.

Invented Self - Part 3, The Five Drivers

The drivers and combinations of them are also known as counter-injunctions because they “counter” or neutralize the injunctions of childhood when obeyed. Obeying them keeps us from being triggered, which is why I refer to obedience to the “Safety Net.” When we stop doing these things we get triggered into the primary injunction it was created to neutralize (aka, defense mechanisms).

• “Be Strong”
• “Be Perfect”
• “Try Hard”
• “Please Others”
• “Hurry Up”
• “Work Hard” (“Try Hard + Please Others”)
• “Don’t ask for what you need” (“Be Strong + Try Hard”)

The five drivers do just that, they “drive” survival role behaviors by providing internal pressure in the form of anxiety and stress if and when they are disobeyed or resisted. This pressure may be reminiscent of the feeling of “being in trouble” with authority figures from childhood. Conversely, these Drivers provide a “Safety Net of Ok-ness” as long as we obey them. As long as we stay in the Driver behavior we can “feel somewhat ok” because the Five Drivers help us ward off the shame-based messages of the Critical Parent. For example:

• A Family Hero may be driven by an inner mandate to “Be Perfect & Be Strong” (Flashy Hero) or “Be Strong and Work Hard” (Responsible One).
• A Rebel may be compelled to play the “tough guy or gal” in obedience to a “Be Strong” counter-injunction. A Family Scapegoat may find themselves impulsively getting into trouble over and over again, no matter how “Hard they try” to “Please Others.”
• A Lost Child may find him or herself trapped in an abusive relationship as they carry out a compulsion to “Try Hard to Please Others and Hurry Up about it!”
• And a Family Mascot may take responsibility for making everyone else feel good by “Being Strong and Pleasing Others by Being Perfectly cute and/or funny,” thereby surrounding the family and others with a “Happy Bubble."