Serenity Cafe Academy

This Iceberg Model

The Iceberg model is a unified model of addiction, codependency, and childhood abandonment issues I have developed over the past 30 years. The first part of the video above describes the emotional dependency needs of a child and explains the Iceberg as a model. Children who do get their dependency needs met fully, on a regular basis, will thrive, flourish, and grow at a healthy pace. Here we examine how not getting these needs met causes the "original" wound of abandonment, infection of toxic shame, scab of contempt, and the development of a false sense of self.

The Scab of Contempt has a lot of energy, and it has to go somewhere. If we turn the negative energy inward toward our self, we are "Internalizers". When we turn the contempt outward toward others or the world in general, we are "Externaizing" the negative energy. See the back of the card below to check out the characteristics of Internalizers and Internalizers. (Yes, we can do both, but we tend toward one or the other most of the time.)

Safety and Idealization of caretakers are explored here to outline the reasons children often blame themselves for their pain. Emotionally wounded children learn to "cover-up" their False-Self by projecting an image others might find acceptable. This is often referred to as "wearing a mask" aka cover-ups. They unwittingly invent and project these "masks", or survival roles, in order to get at least some of their needs met. Family Hero, Family Scapegoat or Rebel, Lost Child, and Family Mascot are outlined as well as how they come to take on these survival roles.

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Lesson

The Iceberg Model

The Iceberg Model is a unified model of addiction, codependency, and childhood abandonment issues I've developed over the course of my personal and professional journey.